No Big Deal

This week I (finally) did something that’s been on my mind for a long time. The more time that passed, the more insurmountable it felt to do. In my head, I made it out to be a big deal, and when something’s a big deal, it turns up the pressure and overwhelms you.

After months of this thing weighing on me, I finally did it, and I realized it wasn’t a big deal at all. There was no profound moment, there was no emotional or mental relief. I did the thing and that was it. It felt very anticlimactic.

I was worked up over *that*? I thought to myself. I’ll be honest, I felt a bit ridiculous.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had this experience, and every time it happens, it serves as a great reminder to me— that our minds create our reality. If you think something is a big deal, even if it isn’t, it makes you behave unnaturally and even strange. It reminds me of being a kid and standing at the edge of the pool waiting to jump in. If you don’t jump in right away, you’re stuck standing on that edge, hesitating. The longer you wait, time seems to paralyze you and you just can’t do it. Your body jerks but you mentally hold yourself back.

Had I gone into it in the beginning not thinking it was a big deal, then it wouldn’t have been a big deal and I’d have done it months ago, and I’d have had the same underwhelming feeling of oh… that’s all there is to it. What we think, what we feel, what we believe shapes our experiences, even if the reality of it is different.

Sometimes we need time to think, plan, or prepare before we do something. Sometimes thinking is the worst thing we can do. It can create an unbearable suffering that cripples our ability to take action. Most of the time we know exactly what we need to do, and the earlier you jump, the better off you’ll be. Better to do it quick before your mind has the chance to convince you otherwise.

On that note, there’s another thing I’ve worked up to be “a big deal” that really isn’t at all, so I should probably go do that.